Category Archives: Family

Everybody wants to be a Cat… Eyes

Diamond Eyes

Humans do a lot of strange things to adorn themselves.  Many emulate animals for instance, fur coats and hats, facial hair, long nails.  But now they are trying to have eyes that are better than cat eyes.

Smutty understands that feline eyes are compelling, hypnotic and beautiful, but humans were not meant to wear diamonds and gold in their eyes to compete.

Yes, diamonds and gold will sparkle and attract attention, but is the price of attention worth your future eyesight?  Smutty says no self respecting animal would make this trade off.  Even with our superior hearing and smell, animals enjoy using our eyes for hunting and playing.

Paying $15,ooo to damage your eyesight is not an option for a cat.

Smutty will now nap and protect his precious eyes….

A Bookstore for Pets

girl and catBorders Bookstore is closing.  Smutty’s human is very sad about this but Smutty has an excellent idea for the empty buildings.

Why not create community bookstores that are open to people and their pets?  Everyone knows that cats love to sit on the lap of a human while the human reads and pets them.  Even dogs like to sit on their humans’ feet while they read.

So why not create a community spot where people can browse the latest books, magazines and newspapers while with their pets.  They can even rent eReaders so there is a limitless amount of material to choose from.  Cities losing revenue to the Borders closing should think about this.  The buildings will not be empty and pets across America will be very happy.

Politicians take note; a lot of voters own pets.  I’m just saying.

Smutty will nap now and dream of an America where pets are welcome everywhere…

$35,000 Backpack??

$35,000 backpack
Um, seriously?

Smutty is all about fashion.  Smutty lives and breathes cool.  Smutty is even more of a fashionophile than his human.

BUT, Smutty draws the line at an ugly backpack that is too small to carry your cat to the movies in that costs $35,000.

Unless the leather it is made from comes with a lifetime supply of rib eye and chuck eye steaks, there is no way the skin of a cow (can you say moo?) or any other animal is worth that amount of cash.  Not only that, but from the pics, it looks like it will carry a cell phone, lip gloss and maybe pack of tissue.

I don’t know about you, but my human needs more stuff than that just to walk to the Mountaineer.  It won’t even hold an iPad!

Can we please remember that many families are homeless and starving and there is no way that the sales of this trifiling non-essential are going to shore up the economy.  We need companies and products for mass consumption that will provide living wage jobs so humans can buy important things like gourmet cat food.  Until then, please only design $35,000 cat cushions or cat carry bags.

Smutty is so upset he needs a nap…

The Ferengi Have It Right

EnterpriseMy human watches a lot of Star Trek.  I didn’t like it at first, but some of the episodes seem like they are real life.  For instance, in Star Trek Deep Space Nine, the Ferengis get a lot of focus and we learn a lot about their fictional culture.  One of the things they revere is the quest for profit above all else.  This is governed by their Rules of Acquisition.

Rule of Acquisition number 285 is; No Good Deed Ever Goes Unpunished.  Apparently the IRS subscribes to this theory also.  For instance, in the feel good article about a fan returning a treasured baseball to Derek Jeter, there is speculation on just how much the fan will have to pay in taxes for the rewards he was given for doing the right thing.

Now, there has always been a gift tax to prevent wealthy people from just putting items in family members’ names to avoid taxes.  However, Smutty thinks that when a citizen stands up and does what America CLAIMS is the right thing, there should be no tax on his reward.

Maybe if more humans were rewarded without punishment also, we could reach the enlightened level of society envisioned by Star Trek.  No poverty, no hunger, no war (at least on Earth).

The thought of paradise makes me sleepy… nap time.

Teens or Pets?

Well once again Smutty finds evidence that pets are a better choice than having children.  After all, when was the last time you saw your pet breaking the law on national TV?

On the plus side, some of the parents have turned in their kids.  On the minus side, not all of the parents have turned in their kids.  Come on humans, not only will turning them in teach them responsibility, they will get lighter sentences if they go voluntarily.

If they are picked up due to someone else turning them in (can you say friends will sell you up the river?), they become labeled as resisting arrest and get harder sentences.

Well, all this excitement has me tired out… nap time.


Smutty wants a swimming pool.  I know, most people think cats don’t like water.  This is not true.  Cats don’t like to be surprised by water.  They don’t like to be splashed, sprayed or washed.

But we love to walk through puddles.  A small wading pool is just the ticket on a hot day.  We can take a drink or dip our paws in the water to cool off.  If it is very hot, we might even step in and back out again.  Cats just want options.  We like everything under our control, not being forced to be in water for human convenience.

Now, I’ll take my nap and dream of my pool under a shady tree surrounded by catmint…

Summer Blues

It's a girl
New Addition Coming

Hello fans, Smutty has been busy chasing butterflies, munching catmint and rolling around in the sun. In other words, taking full advantage of the great summer weather.

While I have been having fun, I noticed that the economy has not improved much, cats still do not qualify for food stamps, and people are still gullible to Internet scams.

But on the plus side, Cookie has been settling into the family and Nefertiti hasn’t swiped at me lately.  The weather is good, my human lets me out each morning and there is plenty of cat food in our house.  This is a major accomplishment since Nefertiti eats a LOT.

Our family is expecting a new addition in November (a human girl, my human’s granddaughter), so Brooklyn is in for some adjustments.  She’s still pretty young, so it may be hard from a kitten point of view to be displaced by a baby.  Maybe they’ll buy her some treats and I’ll get a few.

Something to ponder during my nap…

Smutty’s Rambles

Sometimes I like to confuse my human.  She is great and keeps me in food, water, catmint and toys, but as a feline, I have to stay mysterious.

First, if my human is reading or watching TV, I must end my nap and demand attention.  Once I get attention, I must become aloof.  Next, comes the random pounce.  This is best attempted when your human is barefoot.  It produces the maximum shock value.

But the favorite feline activity is to crawl up on the human’s neck.  There is something warm and comfy about the neck area of a human.  Also, it annoys them to have a cat on their neck.  So you get double satisfaction from one act.  It’s best to try this after your human is feeling guilty for not paying you enough attention.  Then they will not push you away.

Yawn… see you next time.