Smutty found some funny comics around the web and wanted to share. Have a fun time waiting for Friday.
Smutty will now return to his regular nap schedule.
Smutty found a great site with political jokes rounded up. Take a look, but don’t drink your coffee or Coke while reading.
“Mitt Romney is worth half a billion dollars and he’s saying he pays 13 percent annually in taxes. Al Capone paid more than 13 percent in taxes, ladies and gentlemen.” –David Letterman
“Mitt Romney says he’s never paid less than 13% in taxes, which I think is fair because only 13% of his money is in this country.” –Jay Leno
“A hurricane is scheduled to hit Tampa during the Republican Convention. These winds are so strong they could actually blow some of Mitt Romney’s money back in the United States.” –Jay Leno
“Paul Ryan just released his tax returns for the last two years, and it turns out he and his wife had a combined income of over $323,000 last year. To which Mitt Romney said, ‘See, I do reach out to poor people.” –Jay Leno
“Republicans like Paul Ryan because they say he’s a fiscal conservative, and that’s a perfect balance for Romney who’s a guy that has an elevator for his Cadillacs.” –David Letterman
“Paul Ryan is full of excitement, he’s drawing big crowds. The only thing holding Paul Ryan back now according to political experts is Mitt Romney.” –David Letterman
“Speaking of Paul Ryan, a new poll actually found that 42 percent of Americans do not approve of Mitt Romney’s running mate, which isn’t too bad considering most Americans don’t approve of Paul Ryan’s running mate.” –Jimmy Fallon
“In college Paul Ryan drove the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. So he and Romney have something in common. Both have the experience of driving a car with a dog on the roof.” –David Letterman
“Mitt Romney is hoping to energize Republicans by announcing Paul Ryan as his running mate. Seriously? That’s like trying to spice up a bowl of oatmeal with more oatmeal.” –Jimmy Fallon
“They say that Paul Ryan will humanize Romney. And I thought, hell, an amoeba could humanize Romney.” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney has picked Paul Ryan as his running mate. Experts say Ryan can add something vital to this campaign that Mitt Romney lacks: a personality.” –Jay Leno
“It is crucial that Romney pick a running mate who will help him with the groups he’s weak with: women, Hispanics, African Americans, Evangelical Christians – and Republicans.” –Stephen Colbert
“Mitt Romney is claiming he’s going to create 12 million jobs in his first term. But he hasn’t said yet if he’ll create them in China or India.” –Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney annoyed the British by saying that London seemed unprepared for the Olympics. You know, putting his foot in his mouth like that is not very presidential. Vice presidential, sure. Yeah, but not presidential.” –Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney’s search for a vice president continues As you know, one of Mitt Romney’s problems is that he’s never hired an American for a job before, so this is new.” –Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney has been giving his volunteers a free sweatshirt for making phone calls on his behalf. The sweatshirts are just like Romney, 100 percent reversible.” -Jimmy Fallon
“This Facebook fiasco is one of the biggest clusterf**ks ever on Wall Street. Regular people got screwed and the banks and the insiders did okay. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, ‘The American Dream.'” –Bill Maherl
“Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney.” –Bill Maherl
“A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond to this and said, ‘It is appalling that Obama spent his teenage years goofing around and smoking pot when he should have been pinning down gay kids and cutting their hair.” –Bill Maherl
“Mitt Romney believes that marriage should be between one man and one woman. Which is better than his grandfather, who believed that it should be between one man and five women.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Today Mitt Romney visited a firehouse here in New York City. Of course, he was disappointed when he learned that the firehouse is not where you get to fire people.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Mitt Romney, who is on record saying that he would not waste money going after bin Laden, on record saying he would not violate Pakistan’s border to get bin Laden, this week said, ‘Of course I would have gotten bin Laden.’ Even his Etch-A-Sketch went, seriously?” –Bill Maher
“Republicans are now starting to accept the fact that Mitt Romney will be their nominee for president. But you know, they’re not that excited about it. It’s kind of like starting to accept that you’re going to prom with your sister.” –Jay Leno
“That Mitt Romney, he is a master campaigner. This week he was introducing his wife, and he said, ‘She is the heavyweight champion of my life.” Which may explain why on the ride home, he was strapped to the roof of the car.” –Bill Maher
“Mitt Romney just barely won the Republican primary in Ohio by 1%. Then Romney made the mistake of saying, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is a victory for the 1%!'” –Conan O’Brien
“First Mitt won Iowa, then he lost Iowa? That’s a classic Romney flip-flop.” –Stephen Colbert
“Congratulations to Mitt Romney. He won the New Hampshire primary last night. See, this is proof that even the multimillionaire son of a multimillionaire can beat the odds and run for president of the United States.” –Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney is saying his comments about liking to fire people were taken out of context. Yeah, what he actually said was he likes to set poor people on fire.” –Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney says he understands the middle class, and that he knows it’s not easy keeping a roof over your family’s heads — as well as vacation roofs in San Diego, New Hampshire, and Park City, Utah.” –Jay Leno
“How about Mitt Romney? Now there’s a guy who looks like you would see his picture on a package of men’s briefs.” –David Letterman
“I’m having trouble warming up to Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy in the restaurant that comes to your table to make sure everything’s all right.” –David Letterman
“Apparently a large branch of Mitt Romney’s family lives in Mexico. … His grandfather in the late 1800s moved his whole family to Mexico to avoid being prosecuted for polygamy. … Mitt can use that to show that he’s tough on immigration. His family kicked themselves out of the country.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Mitt Romney says President Obama’s promises are like Kim Kardashian’s wedding vows. President Obama shot back. He said Romney’s positions last about half as long as a Kim Kardashian wedding.” –Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney has come under fire for his pledge to eliminate federal funding for PBS. Romney said, ‘When I’m president, the only operated puppet speaking to kids will be me.” –Conan O’Brien
“Political analysts are saying that Mitt Romney is having trouble generating enthusiasm among Iowa voters. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you know you have a problem when people in Iowa find you dull.” –Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney’s wife says her husband loves caffeine free Diet Coke. Or as it’s known in the Mormon community, the ultimate gateway drug.” –Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney tried to make a $10,000 bet with Rick Perry during a presidential debate. Well, who says the Republicans are rich snobs out of touch with the common man?” –Jay Leno
“Many voters feel that Mitt Romney is out of touch with real Americans after he tried to make a bet with Rick Perry for $10,000. When asked to comment, Mitt said, ‘I’m sorry, but that’s all I had in my pocket at the time.'” –Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney admitted in an interview, ‘I tasted a beer and tried a cigarette once as a wayward teenager and never did it again. This has the makings of the lamest ‘Behind the Music’ special yet.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Most analysts agree the big debate winner last night was Mitt Romney, who stuck closely to his strategy of not being any of the other candidates.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Hookers in Times Square, God bless ’em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they’ll change positions.” –David Letterman
“In an interview last night, Rick Perry criticized Mitt Romney for flip-flopping on the issues. Romney said that Perry has no idea what he’s talking about. Then he added, ‘But he does know what he’s talking about.'” –Jimmy Fallon
”Almost all of Rick Perry’s support appears to have gone to Herman Cain because, again, and I cannot stress this enough, nobody likes Mitt Romney.” –Jon Stewart
“You got to feel bad for poor Mitt Romney. He’s in their plugging every week, and every week somebody gets ahead of him. The people who have led Mitt so far: Donal Trump, then Michele Bachmann, then Rick Perry, now Herman Cain. He’s been led by a reality show star, a crazy lady, a stuttering cowboy, and the guy who brings the pizza. That’s gotta hurt a little.” –Bill Maher
“The founder of Home Depot announced that he is supporting Mitt Romney for president. It’s kind of a nice story, because Mitt Romney was actually assembled with parts from Home Depot.” –Jimmy Fallon
“As the Republicans continue checking underneath every available flag pin and Bible for viable candidates, presumed de facto frontrunner candidate Mitt Romney has gotta be thinking, ‘What the fudge? This is starting to hurt where my feelings should be.'” –Jon Stewart
“According to a poll, over 50 percent of viewers thought Mitt Romney won this week’s presidential debate. They thought Mitt Romney won, yeah. Romney credits the win to his grasp of the issues and the good people at Mattel, who built him.” —Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney was sitting down with some unemployed workers the other day. Mitt is worth a quarter of a billion dollars, and he said, ‘Hey, I’m unemployed too.’ That is the famous Mormon sense of humor. A little tip Mitt, your people are only funny when the ‘South Park’ guys write your jokes. ” —Bill Maher
“Mitt Romney has announced he’s running for president in 2012. At the same time, he’s announced he’ll try again in 2016.” —Stephen Colbert
“Experts are predicting that in the first Republican debate, Mitt Romney will face his fiercest ideological opponent: himself from four years ago.” —Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney was on the ‘Today Show’ and admitted he likes to read the ‘Twilight’ books and watch ‘American Idol.’ If elected, he would be the 1st Mormon and the 1st 13-year-old girl to be President.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“I think Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin would be the perfect ticket. She can’t answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question.” —Jay Leno
“Well, the presidential race is getting interesting. In an effort to clear up his reputation as a flip-flopper, Mitt Romney will give a speech on health care. And then, right afterward, he’ll give a five-minute rebuttal.” —Jay Leno
“No! Not Captain Buzzkill! Not the guy who looks like everyone who ever fired your dad! He’s gonna suck all the fun right out of this crazy thing. Just look at the online video announcing his run. It looks like it could double as an ad for erectile dysfunction pills. ‘Mitt Romney: for when the moment’s right.'” —Jon Stewart on Mitt Romney running for president
“Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear … He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes … He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping … He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership…. He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial.” —David Letterman
Romney continuously interrupts and speaks over the moderator. “No, I’ve got to answer this” really? You can’t even follow debate rules, why would you follow the Constitution? Someone interview the moderator him after the debate and ask him who he’s voting for.
While this approach certainly showed him as more focused on his prepared verbiage, it also showed him for the bully he is and not the friendly, “I’m in your corner guy” he wants.
Smutty witnessed it for himself. Romney was being asked to specifically state how his numbers added up, and having no answer, decided to speak over everyone else to make his lame excuses. If you really want to know what Romney is up to, read Romney’s plan for yourself here.
Saying you will reduce the tax rate on middle class Americans while eliminating deductions is no reduction. Basically, his plan is to reduce your tax rate and sock it to you by eliminating up to $6,000.00 of deductions for children, mortgage taxes, child and elder care and the Earned Income Credit. So you’ll see $10.00 extra in your weekly check (net $520.00 for the year) and lose up to $6,000.00. How’s that Arithmetic Romney?
Romney says he has never heard of companies getting a tax break for moving jobs overseas is stupid. Every American over the age of 10 knows that companies have been getting tax breaks for years for moving plants to other countries. How can he state he has never heard of this? It just shows how out of touch he is with regular Americans. Yes Romney, you do need a new accountant.
Lower benefits for higher income seniors? Where did you pull this from Romney? Why is this a good idea? Perhaps have them pay a higher portion of the cost for the same care? Smutty doesn’t think anyone should get lesser benefits. The AARP doesn’t like you Romney. Go Obama, for pointing out that “Obamacare” was modeled on Romney’s plan. At no point did Romney show a difference in his plan except to burden the states with funding and implementing it.
Romney states he is “not planning to cut spending for education…” where will the money come from if you reduce the deficit and don’t raise taxes?
Even though Romney was able to stay on track for once, his facts were, as usual off.
ROMNEY: Obama’s health care plan “puts in place an unelected board that’s going to tell people ultimately what kind of treatments they can have. I don’t like that idea.”
THE FACTS: Romney is referring to the Independent Payment Advisory Board, a panel of experts that would have the power to force Medicare cuts if costs rise beyond certain levels and Congress fails to act. But Obama’s health care law explicitly prohibits the board from rationing care, shifting costs to retirees, restricting benefits or raising the Medicare eligibility age. So the board doesn’t have the power to dictate to doctors what treatments they can prescribe. (Yahoo!).
ROMNEY on cutting the deficit: “Obamacare’s on my list. … I’m going to stop the subsidy to PBS. … I’ll make government more efficient.”
THE FACTS: Romney has promised to balance the budget in eight years to 10 years, but he hasn’t offered a complete plan. Instead, he’s promised a set of principles, some of which — like increasing Pentagon spending and restoring more than $700 billion in cuts that Democrats made in Medicare over the coming decade — work against his goal. He also has said he will not consider tax increases.
He pledges to shrink the government to 20 percent of the size of the economy, as opposed to more than 23 percent of gross domestic product now, by the end of his first term. The Romney campaign estimates that would require cuts of $500 billion from the 2016 budget alone. He also has pledged to cut tax rates by 20 percent, paying for them by eliminating tax breaks for the wealthiest and through economic growth.
To fulfill his promise, then, Romney would require cuts to other programs so deep — under one calculation requiring cutting many areas of the domestic budget by one-third within four years — that they could never get through Congress. Cuts to domestic agencies would have to be particularly deep.
Romney states likes regulations now? Check out his plan for America where he promises to roll back regulations on “Day One”.
Directs all agencies to immediately initiate the elimination of Obama-era
regulations that unduly burden the economy or job creation, and then caps
annual increases in regulatory costs at zero dollars
By the way Romney, the bail out of banks was Bush’s when he strong armed Americans by saying “the economy will collapse” if we didn’t offer this to the banks. Obama had to reign in these same banks when they used the funds to give bonuses to their executives. He made them return the funds and he forced the banks to pay back the money. Since many have done this, there is NO cost to Americans. Not what Bush intended, but Obama made it work.
Romney is going to have a “Day One” that lasts 72 hours based on the list of things he has promised to do.
To sum up, Romney’s debate points directly contradict his own written plan posted on the internet for all to read. How can anyone believe him when he changes his tune on a daily basis. His debate points were more moderate than previous outings, but again, he has written down what he intends to do. Read and decide if you want unions busted, regulations dissolved and your tax deductions eliminated.
Romney didn’t win the debate, he just managed to not make an utter fool of himself as he has done in previous speeches and at the convention. Bottom line, do you trust a man who posts a plan to do one thing and goes to a debate and says he is not going to do what he wrote. Then go vote.
(Disclaimer; strong language!)
This video may be PG-13, but it is very powerful. Smutty even skipped a nap to watch it. Smutty is so moved, he is going to hold a bake sale tomorrow!
As usual, Samuel L. Jackson makes a compelling argument.
Bruce Willis is one of Smutty’s favorite actors and Looper is shaping up to be another of his great works. A fresh premise, great acting and plenty of mayhem are Smutty’s idea of a great film formula.
In Looper, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis play the same character, Joe, at different ages. Through time travel, the mob places hits on their enemies. Joe is sent back 30 years in the past to be bumped off by his younger self.
Since the elder Joe is played by Bruce Willis, we know he is not just going to go quietly. And that’s where the fun starts.
If you haven’t checked out Grimm on NBC, you are missing out on one of Smutty’s best guilty pleasures. Well written with action, drama and occasional dark humor, this is one of the best things on network TV.
Strictly in the PG-13 category, Grimm is fairy tales meets Michael Myers/Freddy Kruegger and a dash of NCIS. These are not the bedtime stories you tell your kittens and puppies. Catch up on the network site if you are just joining.
Smutty is pondering litigation. It seems the creators of CSI have come up with a new Web series called Cybergeddon. It appears to be a great project, but the title is dangerously close to Smutty’s own movie Smuttageddon.
Couldn’t they have found another name for it? Why have the confusion, Smutty has enough competition without the creators of CSI adding to his troubles.
Well, check out the trailer and let Smutty know what you think.
Former President Bill Clinton delivered the nomination address at the DNC and wowed as usual. But in less than one hour, Clinton addressed every one of the Republican’s so-called issues with President Obama and revealed them for the lies they are.
By having facts and accurate figures at his fingertips, Clinton destroyed all of the rhetoric proclaimed at the RNC.
The best quotes; “We’re all in it together” “Arithmetic” “Their number one priority is not to put America back to work, it is to put President Obama out of work” “We left him a total mess, he hasn’t cleaned it up fast enough so fire him and put us back in”. Shouldn’t the Republicans be concentrating on positive outcomes for the American public, not just getting President Obama out? Smutty’s just sayin’. Check the video for yourself, Smutty gives it 4 paws of apawoval.
Smutty likes this so much he borrowed 2 paws from a friend to give it 6 paws up!
BTW, Mrs. Obama, can you ask the Prez if he will add pet food to the food stamps of low income families? That way they won’t have to let their pets go or have them put to sleep.