While campaigning Smutty promises to stick to universal issues of health, safety, jobs, and homes. There will be no discussion of personal female biological reproductive matters. Smutty feels quite unqualified to address this topic as a neutered male.
Instead, Smutty will outline his plans to move the country back to peace and prosperity.
The first step is to significantly lower gas prices. Smutty intends to implement the Evacuated Tube Transport Technology immediately upon entering office. Funding will be sought through Kickstarter and redirection of some current transportation funds.
To reduce the current spate of violence, all violent criminals will be immediately put to work creating the parts for the Evacuated Tube Transport Technology. All gun permits will be immediately repealed and owners must be reevaluated before they can reclaim their guns. Anyone in any state with a violent felony history will be permanently denied a permit.
The Smutty for President campaign is now running on the Independent platform as the Republican show has gotten so sad, Smutty refuses to be associated with it.
Campaign donations gratefully accepted.