Tag Archives: humor

Skynet is Very Close

SmuttyCat has been keeping an eye on robots for a while now. Robots and felines don’t get along well because they can’t be predicted.

The latest news in the robotics world shows that SmuttyCat has been right all along, robots are trouble. First up, exoskeletons that read minds. Well, if it can read human thoughts, maybe it can control them.

Next, special muscles that are making robots extra strong and unbeatable. Unsurprisingly, Google is financing this project by purchasing the company who was spearheading the research.

Finally, a prizefight is shaping up between ATLAS and Valkyrie, two robots who are part of the DARPA robotics challenge to develop a means of exploring dangerous zones. In theory this is a great idea. But what is to prevent Skynet from turning them on humans? Hey, cats need humans until we evolve opposable thumbs.

Breaking News — Democracy Suspended!

Human politics are amusing to the superior animal kingdom. With animals, the strong survive, the children are protected and life is simple and clean. No one holds a baby sparrow hostage because they don’t get catnip

On the other hand, human politics involve a lot of silly posturing that could never be backed up in a one on one smackdown for leadership. For instance, a minority Republican party recently shut down the American government in a temper tantrum because they don’t like healthcare being extended to everyone. What a stupid show. If you can’t be the pitcher you take your bat and glove and go home? Very evolved.

Now, SmuttyCat has learned that in a secret meeting, the House Republicans repealed the right of any member of congress to call for a vote to re-open the government in the event of a stalemate. So, not only did the stupid humans shut down the government, they won’t face their bosses (the American people) and vote in public to say they did this.

Um, does anyone remember Democracy? The right of the people to know how the government is run? The right of the people to know and vote on changes? No secret meetings.

Only after the videos below were made public, did the Republicans finally vote to extend the budget and re-open the government. SmuttyCat won’t go into all the ways this is stupid, look at the videos and speak for yourselves.

And remember this stuff next election. Humans deserve adult representatives, not tantrum-throwing toddlers.

Saturday SmuttyCat Smiles

Happy Caturday

Here’s a smile from SmuttyCat to keep you going through the week.

Cats Hugging

Rise of the Guardians, a New Superhero Movie

Smutty is always looking for a superhero movie, but does not usually find them in the Holiday films between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  This year is an exception.

Rise of the Guardians is a fresh take on the idea of a superhero and the role of Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Sandman and the Easter Bunny.  The visuals from Dreamworks are as rich and stunning as Smutty could hope for in an animated movie.

And how can you lose with voicing from Hugh Jackman, Alec Baldwin and Chris Pine?  Smutty believes this is the next holiday classic.

The bad guy here is fear going by the name Pitch.  He of course, wants to take over the world, not understanding that Smutty already has done this.  The concept is fresh, the pacing brisk enough to keep the attention of little humans and the voices snappy and funny.  This movie will make you believe again.

 

Black Friday Morphs into Black Thursday

Smutty loves turkey and naps.  A day that celebrates both is Smutty’s idea of a perfect holiday.  So, the idea of giving up any part of a day of food, family and napping leaves Smutty baffled.

Why, oh why, would anyone get up from a feast and leave to go shopping?  For stuff no one needs?

What about leftovers?  What about seconds? What about the naps during the Christmas movies?

black Thursday

Smutty says it is time to put an end to the madness.  Keep Thanksgiving sacred.  Don’t shop unless it’s from your couch.  Use your laptop or tablet to browse.  Don’t leave your family to go shopping.

If you do go, don’t complain when you return to no pie or dark meat from the turkey.  Thanksgiving shopping for anything other than gravy and cranberry sauce is just wrong.

Salt Lake Tribune Says ‘Too Many Mitts’

RomneyLiesAgainJust in case you needed any more convincing to vote for President Obama, here is an article reprinted from the NPR.  Smutty says go Vote.

The biggest newspaper in the state likely to give Mitt Romney his biggest margin on Election Day has endorsed Barack Obama for president.

The Salt Lake Tribune‘s endorsement, which is titled “Too Many Mitts,” praises Romney for his “singular role in rescuing Utah’s organization of the 2002 Olympics from a cesspool of scandal” and declares him Utah’s “favorite adopted son.”

But the newspaper’s editorial board says the Romney it has gushed over since his 2002 Olympic performance is not the same Romney running for president in 2012.

“As the party’s shape-shifting nominee,” the Tribune says, “Romney has raised the most frequently asked question of the campaign: ‘Who is this guy, really, and what in the world does he truly believe?’ ”

The endorsement praises Obama as “a competent leader who, against tough odds, has guided the country through catastrophe and set a course that, while rocky, is pointing toward a brighter day.”

For more than a century, the Tribune has been perceived as the left-leaning, non-Mormon — sometimes anti-Mormon — daily newspaper in a Democratic city in a Mormon-dominated state.

The Tribune has endorsed Republicans from time to time, but it also endorsed Obama in 2008.

The paper’s endorsement “undermines part of Romney’s narrative,” says David Magleby of the Center for the Study of Elections and Democracy at Brigham Young University, a school owned by the Mormon Church.

“It is potentially damaging to Romney in that the paper always praised his skills in managing the Olympics,” Magleby says, “and is now criticizing how those same skills have evolved on the presidential stage.”

But Magleby says the endorsement will not change many votes in Utah, where he predicts an Election Day tally of at least 70 percent for Romney.

“It could be the largest margin in any state,” he says.

The Romney campaign has yet to respond to a request for comment, but we’ll post any comment here if and when the campaign responds.

But Kirk Jowers, a long-time Romney adviser and director of the Hinckley Institute of Politics at the University of Utah, says the Tribune “got it wrong.”

Jowers says he’s known Romney since 1994 and says the Republican nominee “is the same man with the same character and the same values, and he’s the same singular force who saved the Olympics.”

Romney, Jowers adds, “is the singular force to save the country.”

Jowers doesn’t believe the endorsement will have any impact inside or outside Utah. The Romney campaign, he says, is more concerned about newspaper endorsements in battleground states such as Florida and Ohio.

The Tribune editorial board says it “had hoped that Romney would exhibit the same talents for organization, pragmatic problem solving and inspired leadership that he displayed here more than a decade ago.”

“The president has earned a second term,” the endorsement says. “Romney, in whatever guise, does not deserve a first.”

Republicans for Obama

Well, Smutty has seen it all.  In a hotly, sometimes rudely, contested election for President some prominent Republicans have good things to say about President Obama.

Smutty will let you see the videos for yourself.  First Colin Powell endorses Obama.  Then, in the aftermath of the vicious hurricane Sandy, Governor Christie becomes Obama’s new BFF.

It seems that some people recognize competence over political partisanship.  What a refreshing human trait.  Smutty is moved to skip a nap.

And, if you need more convincing, this was posted on Politico from the FB page of Irish Americans for Obama;

Usually when you’re having problems in a relationship, someone else shows up promising you heaven on earth, promising to be a million times better. Before you know it, you’ve dived into a bad rebound relationship you eventually regret!

Mitt Romney is promising you a fresh new happy relationship. But just take a look at his last relationship with the people of Massachusetts, where he was elected and served as Governor for 4 years. That ended very very badly. Ladies and gentlemen, he’s 30 POINTS BEHIND in his own state!

If the people of MA who ACTUALLY know the real Mitt are not buying the snake oil he’s selling, why should you? Folks, the man is not an angel coming to save you; he’s a fraud!

If you renew your contract with Baragh O’bama (Barak Obama sp), I promise, this country will once again experience a booming economy like we had when Bill Clinton was President.

Batten Down for the Zombie Apocalypse

Smutty is pleased to announce that the final important aspect of the election has now been covered thanks to Joss Whedon.  Joss has done an excellent job distilling the choices in this election down to its purest elements.

Do you want the Zombie Apocalypse?

If you are truly prepared and unafraid of the Zombie Apocalypse, stand tall behind Mitt Romney and cast your vote secure in the belief that you can weather the coming storm.

“He’s (Romney) not afraid to face a ravening, grasping, horde of sub-humans, cause that’s how he sees poor people already.” — Joss Whedon

For those who are not yet ready to face a complete meltdown of society, compassion, structure, unity and moral American values, make the choice to stand with President Obama.  Remember, those of us with four legs can run fast and forage food, but are not allowed to vote.

And if you close your eyes and let election shennagians transform voting night back to 2000’s “hanging chads” fiasco, tuck your head and stock up on canned goods and water.

Humans are Slow Learners

(Credit: DKemp Designs)

Perusing the day’s news, Smutty has found a few stories showing just how slow humans are to learn from their mistakes.

In a tragic story about a young girl being killed, there was this quote;

As technicians in white coveralls searched Sigg’s home, neighbors described the 17-year-old as a quiet, goth boy who often work black clothes.

He was shy and kept to himself,” said Brooke Olds, 13, who usually saw Sigg alone on a skateboard or scooter.

How many stories have to have these phrases before human parents realize they need to get their children some help?

In other news, President Obama addressed the recent Republican comment regarding rape by stating;

“I don’t know how these guys come up with these ideas. Let me make a very simple proposition: rape is rape. It is a crime,” Obama said on NBC’s “The Tonight Show.”

“This is exactly why you don’t want a bunch of politicians, mostly male, making decisions about women’s healthcare.”

Hey Republican men, how stupid are you?  Stop commenting on the subject of rape.  If you have not been raped personally, you have NO opinion or stance.  SHUT UP!!  Sorry, Smutty can only take so much stupid before the lunch nap.

And finally, Americans please note; the entire world wants President Obama to win the election.  They acknowledge that he has been a strong and thoughtful leader through some serious crisises on the world stage.  Hmmm, Smutty thinks the countries dealing directly with the President are in a better position to rate his performance than Republican blowhards.  Please note what is being said;

1. Obama’s foreign policy works
Overseas, the president has an undeniably strong record,…Obama has shown he’s capable of “mixing muscularity with restraint,” … while relentlessly going after terrorists and playing a limited but key role in forcing regime change in Libya. Meanwhile, the world sees Romney displaying “the hubris of the powerful and the ignorance of the uninformed,” thumping his chest and scaring folks overseas.

2. The world is associating Romney with Bush
In many ways, this isn’t really a reflection on Romney,… the possibility that many foreign publics associate Republicans with George W. Bush, whose administration was deeply unpopular abroad.”  (bold and italics are Smutty’s)

Smutty’s just sayin’ go vote informed.

 

 

Romney Flip Flops Again

Smutty is wearing a neck brace.  He strained his neck from trying to keep up with Mitt Romney’s constantly changing stream of lies.  (And hey, check out the hairstyle change from early “car salesman” to a more laid back modern style).  Smutty is interested in seeing the “binders full of women” though.

Mitt Romney has spent over a year stating he will cut taxes for the wealthy, eliminate Obamacare and of course, the infamous “47%” quip,

“There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what,” Romney said in the video. “There are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe that government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name it.”

“Forty-seven percent of Americans pay no income tax,” Romney said, and that his role “is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.”

This statement was vigorously defended by Romney the day after it was revealed to the American public.  Mr. Romney is now saying he was wrong about the 47 percent, and he is “for” 100 percent of Americans.  So, once again, Romney backtracks on something he says.

Further, Romney cannot possibly be “for” 100% of Americans because 100 percent of Americans do not want tax cuts for the wealthy (including some wealthy humans).  Gov. Romney’s plan to not raise taxes for middle class is hinged on eliminating current deductions for mortgages, children and the Earned Income Credit.  A reduction of tax percent cannot offset the benefit of these deductions.  (Check Smutty’s arithmetic here)

Why should the middle class give up these critical deductions to fund Romney’s plan to increase defense spending that the Department of Defense does not want?  Further, Romney cannot even keep his campaign budget balanced, how can he balance a multi-trillion dollar deficit?  Check out the GreyWolf‘s comments on Romney’s fundraising plans.

Romney is quick to criticize the President’s work.  However the jobless rate has fallen again, proving that we are on the right track for the long haul.  Romney is not interested in the long haul, he wants quick riches for himself and his rich friends that they can take out of the country.  Romney’s own finances are operated by a “blind trust” (his words) meaning he can absolve himself from responsibility for investing in companies that are pioneers in outsourcing jobs, and parking the bulk of his wealth in Cayman Island banks.

Quick patches that benefit the rich are not what America needs.  Our economy is in tatters and needs a long-term rebuilding plan that depends on the hard work values of the middle class.  President Obama is committed to that long-term battle.  The question is, are you?  Just what are you willing to do to ensure your CHILDREN inherit a stable economy in a SAFE country?  You want the quick fix or security for your children and grandchildren?

President Obama stated his priorities for the economy are;

  • 1 build manufacturing jobs in America
    2 give tax incentives to companies who hire here
    3 make sure we have the best education system in America
    4 control our own energy, invest in solar, wind, and biofuels
    5 take money we have spent on war to rebuild America

When asked about the long term unemployed, Romney did not answer the question.  Instead, he spent his time blaming the President, not explaining how he will create 12 million jobs with his “5 point plan” which has never been explained. Every question asked was answered by repeating his tired lies on how he will clamp down on China and cut taxes.

When asked “What have you done to win my vote in 2012”  President Obama answered clearly;

  • I cut taxes for middle class families
  • I cut taxes for small business
  • I ended the war
  • I reformed health insurance
  • I reined in the excesses of wall street
  • Going from losing jobs to creating jobs
  • Plan for manufacturing and education
  • The commitments I’ve made I’ve kept.  And I’m working on the rest.

 

For the 25 people who missed the first debate, Smutty has posted the full PBS video below.  Of course, if Romney is elected, this may be the last PBS video ever.

Here is the full second debate video courtesy of The New York Times.